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What is KDE?

Linux Hater's Blog - Thu, 10/07/2008 - 4:36am
Administrative note: Google banned my ads! WTF? Anywhow, they've totally earned a spot on my lame lusers list. So instead, you can check out some LHB merch. Not much there yet. We can do a T-shirt design contest or something lame like that.

So, once in a while, some random person (lets say my poor old grandma) will ask me, "What is KDE?". I'm too lazy to try to come up with an explanation myself, so instead I refer to the What is KDE page. Surely, it's linked right off the front page, so it should be perfect to explain to lay people what KDE is all about, right?

I'll just start at the top.

KDE or the K Desktop Environment, is a network transparent contemporary desktop environment for UNIX workstations.

Woah. I think you lost my grandma already. She probably thinks its some kind of kinky see-through environment for eunuchs.

KDE seeks to fulfill the need for an easy to use desktop for UNIX workstations, similar to desktop environments found on Macintosh and Microsoft Windows operating systems.

Oh, so you are just a crappy copy. Ok, cuz I was gonna say...

The UNIX operating system is according to us the best available today. When it comes to stability, scalability and openness UNIX has no competition.

Wow. According to the rest of the world, you have no idea what you're talking about.

In fact UNIX has been the undisputed choice of information technology professionals for many years.

Really? cuz I see a lot of Windows around... but that must be just me. Carry on.

The lack of an easy to use contemporary desktop environment, however, has prevented UNIX from finding its way onto desktops of typical computer users in offices and homes.

Oh. No way! That's why?! I totally thought I hate it because there were no apps and none of my hardware worked. Wow, thanks for clearing that up!

UNIX today dominates the server market and is the preferred computing platform for computing professionals and scientists alike.

I think you meant to say that lusers like it. It's ok. I'll let that slide.

The Internet, a household name traces its heritage to UNIX.

Cuz you know, the internet wouldn't have existed if it weren't for UNIX. I mean, Windows or Mac can't do networking at all. It had nothing to do with DARPA or anything.

In spite of such ubiquitous creations from the UNIX community, average computer users still expect it to be difficult to use and often stay away.

Wait wait. Let me guess. Is that because it is difficult to use?

This fact is particularly unfortunate since a number of implementations of UNIX, all of which are of exceptional quality and stability (Debian GNU/Linux, FreeBSD, NetBSD etc.) are freely available of the Internet.

It's also particularly unfortunate that there are several exceptionally high quality implementations of HOT WOMEN like Jessica Alba and Angeline Jolie but I keep getting permission denied errors when I try to access any of them. Perhaps they too are lacking a usable desktop environment.

Anyways, guys, I think you lost my grandma like 20 minutes ago. She's like, over there knitting or something. You had your chance.

I really am amazed at how you guys can sound so serious and at the same time show that you are so misinformed. That still has to be good for something? When I start my faschist anti-Linux movement, I'll be sure to recruit you guys to run my propaganda machine.