Linux Hater's Blog

You thought I was done with your packages. Well guess what, I just updated my package.

Guess what? you get to download the whole damn thing again. But don't worry, I actually love downloading openoffice packages over and over again just to get that one patched file. I feel like I'm getting more free stuff each time.

But forget that. Forget the fact that if you go and install Gutsy right now, you'd pull down enough in updates for another CD. I thought we were supposed to be better than Windows service packs, or something.

Another luser mantra that makes me cringe: "Linux has an awesome software packaging system."

If someone does tell you that, make sure you penis-slap him or her in the face. They deserve it. Don't have a penis? Here, use mine. There's more than enough of it to go around.

So lets take roll, shall we? RPM? Deb? tar.gz? ebuild? Oh, there's only four of you? Oh, that's not so bad, right?

OMG. The Linux Hater fucked up! He got p0wned! He forgot about codec-buddy, one of Ubuntu's great achievements over Windows.

Uh huh. I knew I shouldn't have started that shit with you guys.

If y'all just take one giant fucking step back, you'd maybe notice that 99% of the computing population doesn't even fucking know what a codec is. And you know what, they don't give a shit. You see, they go to youtube, or abc.com, or hulu, click a few buttons, and they're watching the stuff they want to see.

Let me let you in on a little secret. Someone has already figured out how to make tons of cash off of open source. And it's not your puny boy Red Hat.

While you guys take to your internet forums and irc channels and jerk each other off, someone is laughing all the way to the bank. It's surely not me (I wish, and besides, you guys with your fucking adblock), but it makes me laugh too, since you're also doing a lot of their work for them, while at the same time making wild proclamations that nobody gives a fuck about.

Who am I talking about? Apple.

Holy shit! Oh my god! I'm doomed. DOOMED!

Many of you have bothered to tell me that Blogger runs on Linux! I must be a giant hypocrite with a huge dick.

Fuck you guys. In the ass. With my huge dick. Because I must be gay.

Fantastic news! Looks like one Gnome developer is disenchanted. Boo hoo. Are you guys as happy as I am?

The Freedom Blog expounds on how Ubuntu is wrong for America. "That's just back-door communism."

If you've noticed, up until now, I've mostly refrained from responding to your comments. But one from my last post particularly reminded me of something hate-worthy. So thanks for the segue anonymous dude:

Here's this shit that came out of your mouth:
So the truth is out, you're in it for the ad click money.

Check it. I'm already up to version 4. That's more mature than most open source projects. Take that uncle-fuckers.

Anyways. So obviously, the problems with Linux are that the OEMs don't really support it, right? I mean if you get a Dell that's preconfigured with Linux, then it's a totally awesome experience right? Sure it is.

It's quite simple, really.

1. Find semi-successful open source app
2. Convince yourself that writing C++ is the ultimate form of masturbation, and that learning Qt is better than spending time with your girlfriend, because it's so beautiful
3. Remind yourself why MOC doesn't suck.
   
4. Take the name of the app, sed /[cg]/k/, check that you didn't end up with three k's in a row. If there are no k's, stick a k on the front.

I remember a few years back, people hated the Windows registry. Even long time Windows users have had a love/hate relationship with it. Surely open source could come up with something better. I mean, all those Linux boys were going on about how text files were more robust and easier to edit and yadda yadda.

OK, I'm gonna go all old-school on you all.

Here's a shout-out to the original Unix Hater's Handbook. Yes, I picked the name for this blog after that name. Get over it. This is how people use to talk shit about Unix before there were blogs. How far we have come.