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Linux Hater's Blog

Linux Hater's Blog
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Updated: 2 hours 32 min ago
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We hate Linux. And you should too.
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Linux Hater's Blog - Tue, 17/06/2008 - 5:26am
You know what's kinda fucked up? Everytime I come back to a Windows machine after using Linux for a stretch, I always think to myself, "Oh yea! Now I remember that the entire Internet doesn't look like DejaVu Sans".

I don't even know where to start when it comes to fonts. Perhaps a quick, simple summary of the current landscape would do us well.

Check out my package 1.0.1, it's updated!

Linux Hater's Blog - Tue, 17/06/2008 - 2:40am
You thought I was done with your packages. Well guess what, I just updated my package.

Guess what? you get to download the whole damn thing again. But don't worry, I actually love downloading openoffice packages over and over again just to get that one patched file. I feel like I'm getting more free stuff each time.

But forget that. Forget the fact that if you go and install Gutsy right now, you'd pull down enough in updates for another CD. I thought we were supposed to be better than Windows service packs, or something.

Rants (?) heard 'round the community, ver 6

Linux Hater's Blog - Mon, 16/06/2008 - 7:58pm
Some IT guy's kid hates Linux. Looks like the legion of freedom already got to this one though.

Awesome dude. You foisted Ubuntu 64bit onto your unsuspecting child. Isn't that some form of child abuse? Citizen's arrest, anyone?

Anyways, a few days later, he writes another post saying his kid doesn't exactly want to boink the 32bit version either.

Check out my package

Linux Hater's Blog - Sun, 15/06/2008 - 1:43am
Another luser mantra that makes me cringe: "Linux has an awesome software packaging system."

If someone does tell you that, make sure you penis-slap him or her in the face. They deserve it. Don't have a penis? Here, use mine. There's more than enough of it to go around.

So lets take roll, shall we? RPM? Deb? tar.gz? ebuild? Oh, there's only four of you? Oh, that's not so bad, right?

How to be a Linux user

Linux Hater's Blog - Sat, 14/06/2008 - 8:40pm
I'm sure all of this is already in y'all's blood. But you know, I figured I should write it down for all the noobs out there. They need to learn how to behave properly as a luser.

Suck my codec

Linux Hater's Blog - Sat, 14/06/2008 - 7:07pm
OMG. The Linux Hater fucked up! He got p0wned! He forgot about codec-buddy, one of Ubuntu's great achievements over Windows.

Uh huh. I knew I shouldn't have started that shit with you guys.

If y'all just take one giant fucking step back, you'd maybe notice that 99% of the computing population doesn't even fucking know what a codec is. And you know what, they don't give a shit. You see, they go to youtube, or, or hulu, click a few buttons, and they're watching the stuff they want to see.

Nokia says STFU!

Linux Hater's Blog - Sat, 14/06/2008 - 1:31am
I'm sure all you Slashtards have seen it by now.

Nokia tells the OSS world to grow the fuck up.

Nokia says:

We want to educate open-source developers. There are certain business rules [developers] need to obey, such as DRM, IPR [intellectual property rights], SIM locks and subsidised business models.

$$$ Cha-ching $$$

Linux Hater's Blog - Sat, 14/06/2008 - 1:25am
Let me let you in on a little secret. Someone has already figured out how to make tons of cash off of open source. And it's not your puny boy Red Hat.

While you guys take to your internet forums and irc channels and jerk each other off, someone is laughing all the way to the bank. It's surely not me (I wish, and besides, you guys with your fucking adblock), but it makes me laugh too, since you're also doing a lot of their work for them, while at the same time making wild proclamations that nobody gives a fuck about.

Who am I talking about? Apple.

Oh no! Linux runs on everything!

Linux Hater's Blog - Fri, 13/06/2008 - 4:19am claims we should get the facts straight. OMG, I can just sense the knowledge about to be dropped on me.

Alright, let's start off slowly, shall we?

While LinuxHaters (a Linux hating blog, ran on a Linux hosted service) is grabbing a bunch of attention lately by carrying the flag of Microsoft's FUD...

It's over! Blogger runs Linux!

Linux Hater's Blog - Thu, 12/06/2008 - 10:33pm
Holy shit! Oh my god! I'm doomed. DOOMED!

Many of you have bothered to tell me that Blogger runs on Linux! I must be a giant hypocrite with a huge dick.

Fuck you guys. In the ass. With my huge dick. Because I must be gay.

Evolution of an Ubuntu user

Linux Hater's Blog - Wed, 11/06/2008 - 11:32pm

Most Ubuntu users start as Windows users (though, occasionally, they can be using other Linux's). But they all go through the same phases:

Gnome's getting old and fat

Linux Hater's Blog - Wed, 11/06/2008 - 5:13am
Fantastic news! Looks like one Gnome developer is disenchanted. Boo hoo. Are you guys as happy as I am?

At least we don't have any viruses

Linux Hater's Blog - Tue, 10/06/2008 - 1:23am
One sure thing that a luser will say to you when you criticize his shitty operating system goes something along the lines of "but at least I don't get any viruses."

Good for you dude. I don't get any viruses from your mom either. I'm protected. So please cease and desist your blabbering. Are you trying to convice me that not getting any viruses is a symbol of high quality of your choice of software? The fact that you're attributing that characteristic to Linux has already earned you a spot on my hate list.

Standardizing Linux Suckiness

Linux Hater's Blog - Mon, 09/06/2008 - 6:03am
If you've been following Linux for as long as we have, you instinctively wince at any mention of the three letters L-S-B. Yes, they're the people that once promised to come in and standardize the cluster-fuck that is Linux distros and create something that ISV's could actually ship against.

You're so Campy

Linux Hater's Blog - Sat, 07/06/2008 - 8:23pm
If you've noticed, up until now, I've mostly refrained from responding to your comments. But one from my last post particularly reminded me of something hate-worthy. So thanks for the segue anonymous dude:

Here's this shit that came out of your mouth:
So the truth is out, you're in it for the ad click money.

How to write a Gnome Application

Linux Hater's Blog - Sat, 07/06/2008 - 12:43am
By popular demand, a guide to writing a Gnome app:

  • Find some reasonable app from another platform (Windows, Mac, KDE, whatever, but preferably, Mac). Bonus points if there are already 3 other gtk-based alternatives who don't want to integrate with Gnome.

Rants heard 'round the community, ver 4

Linux Hater's Blog - Fri, 06/06/2008 - 6:50pm
Check it. I'm already up to version 4. That's more mature than most open source projects. Take that uncle-fuckers.

Anyways. So obviously, the problems with Linux are that the OEMs don't really support it, right? I mean if you get a Dell that's preconfigured with Linux, then it's a totally awesome experience right? Sure it is.

Swap! Swap! Swap!

Linux Hater's Blog - Fri, 06/06/2008 - 6:37pm
You know, hating on things is like life itself. Sometimes it's hard to go on, hard to find motivation. Beating a dead horse gets tiring, however much the horse deserves it.

But then occasionally, you find something that gives you the strength to labor on.

For the lazy, it's a "tip" on how to use your spare VRAM as swap space.

I'll spare you the details, but I'll leave you with just the intro for some shitnuggets of wisdom on why anyone would want to do this:

How to write a KDE application

Linux Hater's Blog - Fri, 06/06/2008 - 1:14am
It's quite simple, really.

  1. Find semi-successful open source app
  2. Convince yourself that writing C++ is the ultimate form of masturbation, and that learning Qt is better than spending time with your girlfriend, because it's so beautiful
  3. Remind yourself why MOC doesn't suck.
  4. Take the name of the app, sed /[cg]/k/, check that you didn't end up with three k's in a row. If there are no k's, stick a k on the front.

Hippie Hardware

Linux Hater's Blog - Thu, 05/06/2008 - 8:37pm
Enter OpenGraphics. Saviours of the new, free world.

Their goal? Well, they've seen that unpaid, volunteer developers can band together to create buggy, inconsistent software that's really cheap, so they want to apply those same great principles to hardware. Because you know, if it works for software, it must work for hardware.

The registry is dead! Long live... the registry!?

Linux Hater's Blog - Thu, 05/06/2008 - 6:08am
I remember a few years back, people hated the Windows registry. Even long time Windows users have had a love/hate relationship with it. Surely open source could come up with something better. I mean, all those Linux boys were going on about how text files were more robust and easier to edit and yadda yadda.


Linux Hater's Blog - Wed, 04/06/2008 - 9:57pm
Why is it so hard to get basic sound working on Linux? And by basic I mean I want to be able to watch porn and play an mp3 to cover the sounds at at the same time. Or I want to be able to play iTunes inside a windows VMware VM and hear my mail notifier on my host tell me that one of you has written another asshat comment.

And don't tell me "it works now!" Because it doesn't. I just tried it.

Rants heard 'round the community, ver 3

Linux Hater's Blog - Wed, 04/06/2008 - 6:01pm
OK, I'm gonna go all old-school on you all.

Here's a shout-out to the original Unix Hater's Handbook. Yes, I picked the name for this blog after that name. Get over it. This is how people use to talk shit about Unix before there were blogs. How far we have come.

Good software isn't really free

Linux Hater's Blog - Wed, 04/06/2008 - 1:16am
Please, please, stop telling me or others that the success of OSS is easily demostrated by projects like Webkit, and the kernel, and Firefox, and apache.

If you're going to talk that drivel, at least be more specific. There are two kinds of OSS projects: First, there's the "I made this!" type. These projects often have assfuck users going around telling everyone how this project is better than everything else, and how every distro should replace some other working program with their new shit.


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